Focus on the Positive

It's springtime, which is lovely, but I always seem to find myself overwhelmed and stressed at the end of the school year. There are more things to be done than I have time to do, and it's easy to get discouraged. A few weeks ago, Louie gave me a pep talk about not focusing on all the things I *don't* get done, but rather being happy about what I *do* get done each week. So I asked him, "What *one* thing do you want to get done this week?" And I picked one thing. I wrote it on the board attached to the entryway / garage door.

For the week of April 3-9
This week, I would like to:
Louie - take apart the shelving for transport to the lake
Jeanne- email March MQ hours to Rebecca

I was so excited when I got this done that I crossed it off and put

burn Aladdin CD

And then I did that, too!

paint eggs (the plastic ones I bought for the lilac Lent branch thing)

Then hot-glue strings onto eggs.

I think Louie and I finished these on Sunday, April 10th, but we did get our "one thing" done! And it felt good.

April 10-16
This week, I would like to:

Jeanne - write a letter to Konrad

Louie - sharpen at least one set of mower blades

We both finished (and I had been wanting to write to Konrad since well *before* his dad died) and that felt great!

 April 18-23
Louie - Paint the skylight

Jeanne - wipe down all baseboards and stairway woodwork

We were having our AIM group over for dinner and wanted to do more than the usual housework (admittedly not very wonderful - ever). Louie spent a lot of time that week getting rid of the peeling tape, re-taping, mudding, sanding, etc. It definitely looks a lot better! We still need to deal with the woodwork, insulation, etc., but it is much, much nicer now.

I did not love crawling around on my hands and knees trying to wipe down the woodwork, but it definitely needed to be done! It's something I should definitely do more often.

April 25-30

Jeanne - finish binding one full edge of Unity (Alex and Stacie's wedding quilt)

Louie - church mower blades sharpened and back on


Again, we were motivated and got these things done! It feels so much nicer to focus on accomplishments than on what is not getting finished.

I won't post pictures anymore (they're simply not that interesting) but I'm going to try to document our project more. It's helping me to pick one thing each week that I truly want to accomplish and to keep my focus on getting that one thing done.

For May 2-7, I put my thing as "Get a good gift for Louie" and he put "Replace board under deck." I have succeeded! I still need to wrap stuff - perhaps I'll do that as soon as I log off. I have tried to facilitate his project, but since tomorrow's his birthday, I think he might not get this one thing done . . .

I looked for the house paint we used on the exterior. I took out everything in the paint cupboard. We do not have any of that paint left! I told him to just use a different color, but he said no. I said no one goes under our deck and behind the firewood to look at the bottom board under my window! He said no. He hasn't gotten the board out or cut it to size . . . . and I'm not sure I'm interested in trying to find and buy paint to match what our house has. Ah well. He gave me crap about my goal this week, but I was seriously concerned. He got me wonderful gifts for my birthday; how could I be empty-handed tomorrow? It matters to me to try to bless him. I love my husband!

Dad's interests

As I'm getting rid of scraps of paper, I think about the content and meaning. I have a list:

Labrador / oil
Baffin Island
solar system
Ellesmere Island

These were topics I had been trying to find audiobooks about (without much luck). I was thinking of getting print books this summer and just reading them to my dad. The topics interested him and he wanted to learn more. Missed opportunity - but I don't have regrets about it. I tried really hard to keep him supplied with audiobooks. I did my best.

I wrote the above on 1/31/2016. I'm adding the info below on 2/16/2017.

Found a slip of paper to recycle, but had to record it here first. "Dad likes Michael Harvey's book The Third Rail. More by this author? Chicago Way and The Fifth Floor."

The first one had print copies at Pioneerland and Traverse des Sioux, but I never got them to read to him. I did my best to keep him entertained with audiobooks. Moving on.

When I retire . . .

There are a LOT of things I'm hoping / planning to do when I retire, but I could be doing them now. Time management is not a strength for me. In doing a bit of tidying (and tossing), I came across a catalog for "The Great Courses" audio programs. I've checked a few of these out from the public library (and would probably not ever buy them - they're pricey!) and will probably check them out again in the future.

My favorite one to date is the music history courses taught by Professor Robert Greenberg of the University of California at Berkeley. His intelligence and humor make him very interesting to listen to. The catalog has prices for DVD, videotape, audio CD, and audiotape . . . so you know it's old!

I hope these courses still exist in a decade when I'm shifting to retirement life. Even though the title sounds pretentious, the quality is really quite good . . . and less expensive than taking a college class!

Venting on a Dutiful Daughter Day

I thought about packing my journal to come with me up to my dad's house today, but left it at home. As I started making a LIST of all the things I wanted to write about (catharsis), I decided to blog about some of them. Since my blogs are mainly for myself and I don't think many other humans ever look at them, I'm going to reduce my to-do list by venting here now. (Dad just went to lay down for a nap.)

1. Why oh why does he bother with a hat and gloves in the winter? He will wear them from the house to the car, then take them off and leave them in the car. Two weeks ago, he was commenting on how cold it was (as he removed the hat and gloves before walking up to the church). I said, "Why don't you keep your hat and gloves on to keep you warm?" No answer. Then in church, he put his hands inside his opposite shirt sleeves so he could keep them warm. "Do you want me to get your gloves for you?" No. Then he wanted his coat back on so I helped him. Then he loudly ripped the velcro straps open to adjust them to be as big an opening as possible. Then he tried to fit his hands inside the opposite sleeve of his coat to keep his hands warm. "Do you want your gloves?!" No answer. Sigh. Similar thing today.

2. Stopping in inconvenient places to do things. Today, it was leaving church. I'm holding the door at the back of the sanctuary open for him. He stops just outside so that I can't let the door shut and hit him. He takes out his hat and laboriously puts it on. Twenty paces earlier, I offered him his hat. He wanted to hold it and carry it out. Old-school manners? Then why leave the door open to the cold outdoors while the worship service is still going?!?!? I just don't understand him. Nearly every time we go to McDonald's, he has to stop his walker in the doorway or some other awkward place where others try to get by and take his wallet out, remove cash, and hand it to me. More than once I've said, "Can you just wait until we get indoors?"

3. The joys of mucus. I empathize with his throat-clearing and nose-blowing because I too suffer the curse of active sinus issues (allergies, etc.). However, why he can't just hawk a loogie is beyond me. He uses lots and lots of kleenixes and napkins (which is totally fine) but he will spit up into his mouth and then wipe it on a kleenix while holding it fully open. It's kind of like licking an envelope shut except he doesn't shut the tissue until after he has licked his mucus onto it in rows. It is truly gross. Then he'll fold it neatly and do it all over again, three or four times. I strongly dislike this routine but get to witness it a half dozen times on my Dutiful Daughter days.

4. His inability to communicate directly. When his throat cancer and radiation treatments were most troublesome, I bought him a frosty from Wendy's (or a shake from McDonald's - I don't remember). It was weeks later (after someone else had bought him a chocolate Frosty) that Louise said, "He doesn't like chocolate shakes. He prefers vanilla." I was so surprised! Why didn't he TELL me "I don't like chocolate." This happens again and again and again. I like Ann's phrase, "You have to make your needs known." I think of all the work we do at school to teach students to self-advocate. My dad needs those lessons. It's maddening how often our communication at the Somers household gets convoluted because we don't just say what we mean.

Okay. I think I'm done for now. It's amazing how cathartic this can be. He is who he is. All I can control is how I react to it.

SACFEP

I love acronyms, but I like it best when they make a fun word. (In fact, I'll often start with the acronym and choose the identifiers to fit.) I was thinking of how many of my colleagues are dealing with the issues surrounding elderly parents. I wrote down "Stressed Adults Caring For Elderly Parents" but I dislike "SACFEP." I don't feel creative enough right now to come up with something that works better, but I didn't want to lose this concept. It can be like another full-time job to take care of finances, medical issues, personal lists, etc. I'm so grateful that my siblings and I are all willing to chip in and help so no one is shouldering an unfair burden.

Finance and Learning

I'm not very smart about money management, but I am capable of learning. I have been frustrated with Merrill Lynch as I try to "help" my dad with his investments. Now his accounts are being changed to Merrill Edge and I don't really understand why . . . he was already upset when we had to deal with Amy instead of Veronica last year after my mom died.

So I go online to read everything I can about Merrill Edge (only not on the Merrill site or the Bank of America site - of course they're going to blather about how wonderful it is). Although I still don't understand a lot of financial "stuff" - brokerage, managers, advisers, bonds, stocks, indexed funds, etc. - I do understand people's reviews and experiences. This site http://www.consumeraffairs.com/finance/merrill.html made me think it's time to get all his money away from ML and move it somewhere else! I realize that consumer affairs sites often draw the comments of people who are unhappy, but I'm not finding much balance in terms of satisfied customers.

But at the same time, what do I know about a better option? How much time and energy do I want to spend on this issue? If my dad is okay, why should I care what he does with his money? Sigh. Time to read and research some more.

Book to Own?

Sometimes when I want to get rid of a scrap of paper, but I don't necessary want to follow through on the info (but also want to "keep" the info, just in case), I go to my blog.

In God We Trust: Stories of Faith in American History by Timothy Crater and Ranelda Hunsicker

Not sure who recommended it to me, but it sounds really good. HC library doesn't have it (and my summer reading pile is already ginormous) and it's over $30 used on Better World Books . . . so I'm parking the info here. It was published in 1997, which makes it ancient in the publishing world. Sigh. I'm such a throw-back.