One Thing #4

Tuesday, June 14
Okay, time to "get back on the saddle" with this . . .
Our May 30 - June 4 goals were:
Jeanne - get laundry done
Louie - adjust bottom rack in oven (while it's cool)
These were pretty minor goals BUT I had meant to do laundry the previous week (and at the end of the school year, life is on fast-forward) so it felt really good to achieve that goal! I had clothes to pack for St. Cloud and I left Louie and Lou with sufficient clothing. (Of course, here I am on 6/14, doing laundry . . . but that's how it goes!)
Louie did his goal last night when I did a little nagging about it. Dude! I had only written it down for him because he kept mentioning it! Every time he preheated the oven, then opened the door to put something in, he commented that he needed to "fix" the thing in the bottom of the oven that had gotten out of place . . . but it was too hot to touch. So anyhow, those both got done.

Last week, I didn't write down new goals for us. As it turned out, my big one was staying cheerful as the Minnesota Quilters Volunteers Co-Chair with Louise. Success. Louie ended up doing some work in the garage and happily discovered the problem with the wiring in the four-wheeler (which has been a project goal for a looooooooong time). Success!

Now that we're practically to the half-way point in the week and I already have a page of goals, I think it will help my attitude to pick one attainable goal that will be completed before we go to the lake.

Jeanne - will wrap up her MQ Co-Chair responsibilities
Louie -

6/27/16
Excellent! I felt so fantastic getting all the MQ stuff done and dropping things off at the Bloomington house for Louise on 6/17. It was truly liberating (and time-consuming). Louie never set a specific goal for the week, but we did a LOT of stuff on his goal list up at the lake last week. His biggest one was to treat the siding on the cabin. Then when he realized he had forgotten to bring the sprayer AND the metal poles for the scaffolding, he set a goal of taking down the huge dead birch trees in the "front" yard. Well, he really, really, really wanted the siding treated, so we did it! With ladders and paintbrushes. I helped with the low parts. It felt so good to get it done - in two days - and move on with things. On Saturday, we (he) cut down the dead trees and I helped clear away the logs and branches. It was quite an ordeal and felt incredibly good to go swimming when we were done.

For June 27 - July 2, we set new goals.
Louie - mow lawn and find water filtration system for Morgan (for BWCA).
Jeanne - work on estate to-do list (from lawyer)

I really struggled yesterday and today with this. It feels so very good to finally really "be" on summer vacation but I'm almost overwhelmed by possibilities and all I'd like to get done! I spent some time during my devotions this morning just seeking God's will. I don't want to fall back into my lists and projects and checking things off . . . there won't be enough time in my life to "do" all the things I think I should or could do.

I went back to the purpose of my starting this "one thing" deal . . . and I recognize that I am someone who can easily get lost in the "stuff" of life. I tend to focus on my failures and short-comings. The reason I pick "one thing" to get done in a week is so that I can enjoy the sense of accomplishment and be grateful that I was able to achieve something concrete. It sounds almost silly to type that, but it's honest. I will do many more things this week (I've already got my first load of laundry in for the week) but it helps me to see the little sign in the entryway with the "one thing" that I hope to accomplish over the course of the week. I'm not sure how long I'll be doing this experiment, but it's also fun to share it with Louie. We both talk about lots of ideas and projects, but it's nice to have a focus. (And I NEED to work on estate stuff - I've been ignoring it for too long.)

One Thing #3

For the week of May 9-14, we had these goals:
Jeanne - send MQ volunteer assignment emails
Louie - NO! I didn't get last week's "one thing" done . . .

So right now, it's May 14th and I've not gotten mine done. I can't really email people's assignments without having the spreadsheet filled in. So that's what I've been working on - getting the info and filling it in. I'm also struggling to stay focused on this one task because it seems so huge and complicated.

That's another lesson with this experiment - pick one thing you know you can DO. If it's too huge, break it down and figure out which *piece* of it should be next. I still like this experiment and will continue it. This post, however, will remain a draft for at least another week.

For May 16-21, I would like to:
Louie - sharpen the chainsaw blade and start treating the outlet covers
Jeanne - finish binding on Unity

<5 .22.16="" pm="">
I just finished the binding on the quilt! I didn't work on it very many evenings this past week. Work has been all-consuming and exhausting. Two more weeks in this school year! But tonight I finished off the binding and it feels *so* good. Here's what's left:
- bury the loose threads from the long-arm quilting (many bobbin issues)
- add a label
- attach a hanging sleeve for the show / I've entered it in the non-judged exhibit

Louie finished his two things right away. He sharpened the chain saw chain right away on Monday and got stain on the outlet covers. He hasn't poly-ed them yet, but has this week to do it.

For May 23-28, I would like to:
Jeanne - Make a rough draft of my dad's estate "inventory" that I need to provide to the lawyer for the next steps in probate.
Louie - ??? He snapped at me when I asked him and now he's asleep on the sofa. He mentioned sewing up the jib sail, but said it might not happen this week.

To be continued . . . 

I did NOT even START the inventory. This past week flew and I chose to try to "check out" at the lake this weekend. I'll post one more week here and then start a new entry. The end of the school year is a really tough time for me. The "too much to do and not enough time" bowls me over.

For May 31 to June 4:
Jeanne would like to get her laundry done.

Louie would like to adjust the stove's bottom burner rack when the oven is cool. (We only think of it when we're using the oven and it's too hot to touch . . . )

One Thing continued

For May 2-7, my one thing was to "Get a good gift for Louie" for his birthday. With Morgan's help, I gave him a 4k monitor for his home office. I got him two other small things, but he didn't like them as much as the monitor. He said, "you shouldn't have," but Morgan said, "that kind of makes me drool." The guys were pretty impressed with it. Louie's one thing was "Replace board under deck" but he didn't work on that at all. The week went fast and we didn't seem to have much time to do anything. He said he should have set a goal of changing the oil on the church lawnmower, because he got that done! Way to be positive, LaMoore . . .

For May 9-14, here's what we're choosing:
Jeanne - send MQ volunteer assignment emails
Louie - NO! I didn't get last week's "one thing" done . . .

For me, this has been a fantastic experiment. Focusing on what does get done instead of the myriad undone things helps me be positive. The visual reminder of what one thing I want to get done over the course of the week helps me to get that thing DONE.

I picked the MQ Volunteer emails because that's something I've been procrastinating on and feeling bad about. I just need to DO it!

Focus on the Positive

It's springtime, which is lovely, but I always seem to find myself overwhelmed and stressed at the end of the school year. There are more things to be done than I have time to do, and it's easy to get discouraged. A few weeks ago, Louie gave me a pep talk about not focusing on all the things I *don't* get done, but rather being happy about what I *do* get done each week. So I asked him, "What *one* thing do you want to get done this week?" And I picked one thing. I wrote it on the board attached to the entryway / garage door.

For the week of April 3-9
This week, I would like to:
Louie - take apart the shelving for transport to the lake
Jeanne- email March MQ hours to Rebecca

I was so excited when I got this done that I crossed it off and put

burn Aladdin CD

And then I did that, too!

paint eggs (the plastic ones I bought for the lilac Lent branch thing)

Then hot-glue strings onto eggs.

I think Louie and I finished these on Sunday, April 10th, but we did get our "one thing" done! And it felt good.

April 10-16
This week, I would like to:

Jeanne - write a letter to Konrad

Louie - sharpen at least one set of mower blades

We both finished (and I had been wanting to write to Konrad since well *before* his dad died) and that felt great!

 April 18-23
Louie - Paint the skylight

Jeanne - wipe down all baseboards and stairway woodwork

We were having our AIM group over for dinner and wanted to do more than the usual housework (admittedly not very wonderful - ever). Louie spent a lot of time that week getting rid of the peeling tape, re-taping, mudding, sanding, etc. It definitely looks a lot better! We still need to deal with the woodwork, insulation, etc., but it is much, much nicer now.

I did not love crawling around on my hands and knees trying to wipe down the woodwork, but it definitely needed to be done! It's something I should definitely do more often.

April 25-30

Jeanne - finish binding one full edge of Unity (Alex and Stacie's wedding quilt)

Louie - church mower blades sharpened and back on


Again, we were motivated and got these things done! It feels so much nicer to focus on accomplishments than on what is not getting finished.

I won't post pictures anymore (they're simply not that interesting) but I'm going to try to document our project more. It's helping me to pick one thing each week that I truly want to accomplish and to keep my focus on getting that one thing done.

For May 2-7, I put my thing as "Get a good gift for Louie" and he put "Replace board under deck." I have succeeded! I still need to wrap stuff - perhaps I'll do that as soon as I log off. I have tried to facilitate his project, but since tomorrow's his birthday, I think he might not get this one thing done . . .

I looked for the house paint we used on the exterior. I took out everything in the paint cupboard. We do not have any of that paint left! I told him to just use a different color, but he said no. I said no one goes under our deck and behind the firewood to look at the bottom board under my window! He said no. He hasn't gotten the board out or cut it to size . . . . and I'm not sure I'm interested in trying to find and buy paint to match what our house has. Ah well. He gave me crap about my goal this week, but I was seriously concerned. He got me wonderful gifts for my birthday; how could I be empty-handed tomorrow? It matters to me to try to bless him. I love my husband!

Dad's interests

As I'm getting rid of scraps of paper, I think about the content and meaning. I have a list:

Labrador / oil
Baffin Island
solar system
Ellesmere Island

These were topics I had been trying to find audiobooks about (without much luck). I was thinking of getting print books this summer and just reading them to my dad. The topics interested him and he wanted to learn more. Missed opportunity - but I don't have regrets about it. I tried really hard to keep him supplied with audiobooks. I did my best.

I wrote the above on 1/31/2016. I'm adding the info below on 2/16/2017.

Found a slip of paper to recycle, but had to record it here first. "Dad likes Michael Harvey's book The Third Rail. More by this author? Chicago Way and The Fifth Floor."

The first one had print copies at Pioneerland and Traverse des Sioux, but I never got them to read to him. I did my best to keep him entertained with audiobooks. Moving on.

When I retire . . .

There are a LOT of things I'm hoping / planning to do when I retire, but I could be doing them now. Time management is not a strength for me. In doing a bit of tidying (and tossing), I came across a catalog for "The Great Courses" audio programs. I've checked a few of these out from the public library (and would probably not ever buy them - they're pricey!) and will probably check them out again in the future.

My favorite one to date is the music history courses taught by Professor Robert Greenberg of the University of California at Berkeley. His intelligence and humor make him very interesting to listen to. The catalog has prices for DVD, videotape, audio CD, and audiotape . . . so you know it's old!

I hope these courses still exist in a decade when I'm shifting to retirement life. Even though the title sounds pretentious, the quality is really quite good . . . and less expensive than taking a college class!

Venting on a Dutiful Daughter Day

I thought about packing my journal to come with me up to my dad's house today, but left it at home. As I started making a LIST of all the things I wanted to write about (catharsis), I decided to blog about some of them. Since my blogs are mainly for myself and I don't think many other humans ever look at them, I'm going to reduce my to-do list by venting here now. (Dad just went to lay down for a nap.)

1. Why oh why does he bother with a hat and gloves in the winter? He will wear them from the house to the car, then take them off and leave them in the car. Two weeks ago, he was commenting on how cold it was (as he removed the hat and gloves before walking up to the church). I said, "Why don't you keep your hat and gloves on to keep you warm?" No answer. Then in church, he put his hands inside his opposite shirt sleeves so he could keep them warm. "Do you want me to get your gloves for you?" No. Then he wanted his coat back on so I helped him. Then he loudly ripped the velcro straps open to adjust them to be as big an opening as possible. Then he tried to fit his hands inside the opposite sleeve of his coat to keep his hands warm. "Do you want your gloves?!" No answer. Sigh. Similar thing today.

2. Stopping in inconvenient places to do things. Today, it was leaving church. I'm holding the door at the back of the sanctuary open for him. He stops just outside so that I can't let the door shut and hit him. He takes out his hat and laboriously puts it on. Twenty paces earlier, I offered him his hat. He wanted to hold it and carry it out. Old-school manners? Then why leave the door open to the cold outdoors while the worship service is still going?!?!? I just don't understand him. Nearly every time we go to McDonald's, he has to stop his walker in the doorway or some other awkward place where others try to get by and take his wallet out, remove cash, and hand it to me. More than once I've said, "Can you just wait until we get indoors?"

3. The joys of mucus. I empathize with his throat-clearing and nose-blowing because I too suffer the curse of active sinus issues (allergies, etc.). However, why he can't just hawk a loogie is beyond me. He uses lots and lots of kleenixes and napkins (which is totally fine) but he will spit up into his mouth and then wipe it on a kleenix while holding it fully open. It's kind of like licking an envelope shut except he doesn't shut the tissue until after he has licked his mucus onto it in rows. It is truly gross. Then he'll fold it neatly and do it all over again, three or four times. I strongly dislike this routine but get to witness it a half dozen times on my Dutiful Daughter days.

4. His inability to communicate directly. When his throat cancer and radiation treatments were most troublesome, I bought him a frosty from Wendy's (or a shake from McDonald's - I don't remember). It was weeks later (after someone else had bought him a chocolate Frosty) that Louise said, "He doesn't like chocolate shakes. He prefers vanilla." I was so surprised! Why didn't he TELL me "I don't like chocolate." This happens again and again and again. I like Ann's phrase, "You have to make your needs known." I think of all the work we do at school to teach students to self-advocate. My dad needs those lessons. It's maddening how often our communication at the Somers household gets convoluted because we don't just say what we mean.

Okay. I think I'm done for now. It's amazing how cathartic this can be. He is who he is. All I can control is how I react to it.