Venting on a Dutiful Daughter Day

I thought about packing my journal to come with me up to my dad's house today, but left it at home. As I started making a LIST of all the things I wanted to write about (catharsis), I decided to blog about some of them. Since my blogs are mainly for myself and I don't think many other humans ever look at them, I'm going to reduce my to-do list by venting here now. (Dad just went to lay down for a nap.)

1. Why oh why does he bother with a hat and gloves in the winter? He will wear them from the house to the car, then take them off and leave them in the car. Two weeks ago, he was commenting on how cold it was (as he removed the hat and gloves before walking up to the church). I said, "Why don't you keep your hat and gloves on to keep you warm?" No answer. Then in church, he put his hands inside his opposite shirt sleeves so he could keep them warm. "Do you want me to get your gloves for you?" No. Then he wanted his coat back on so I helped him. Then he loudly ripped the velcro straps open to adjust them to be as big an opening as possible. Then he tried to fit his hands inside the opposite sleeve of his coat to keep his hands warm. "Do you want your gloves?!" No answer. Sigh. Similar thing today.

2. Stopping in inconvenient places to do things. Today, it was leaving church. I'm holding the door at the back of the sanctuary open for him. He stops just outside so that I can't let the door shut and hit him. He takes out his hat and laboriously puts it on. Twenty paces earlier, I offered him his hat. He wanted to hold it and carry it out. Old-school manners? Then why leave the door open to the cold outdoors while the worship service is still going?!?!? I just don't understand him. Nearly every time we go to McDonald's, he has to stop his walker in the doorway or some other awkward place where others try to get by and take his wallet out, remove cash, and hand it to me. More than once I've said, "Can you just wait until we get indoors?"

3. The joys of mucus. I empathize with his throat-clearing and nose-blowing because I too suffer the curse of active sinus issues (allergies, etc.). However, why he can't just hawk a loogie is beyond me. He uses lots and lots of kleenixes and napkins (which is totally fine) but he will spit up into his mouth and then wipe it on a kleenix while holding it fully open. It's kind of like licking an envelope shut except he doesn't shut the tissue until after he has licked his mucus onto it in rows. It is truly gross. Then he'll fold it neatly and do it all over again, three or four times. I strongly dislike this routine but get to witness it a half dozen times on my Dutiful Daughter days.

4. His inability to communicate directly. When his throat cancer and radiation treatments were most troublesome, I bought him a frosty from Wendy's (or a shake from McDonald's - I don't remember). It was weeks later (after someone else had bought him a chocolate Frosty) that Louise said, "He doesn't like chocolate shakes. He prefers vanilla." I was so surprised! Why didn't he TELL me "I don't like chocolate." This happens again and again and again. I like Ann's phrase, "You have to make your needs known." I think of all the work we do at school to teach students to self-advocate. My dad needs those lessons. It's maddening how often our communication at the Somers household gets convoluted because we don't just say what we mean.

Okay. I think I'm done for now. It's amazing how cathartic this can be. He is who he is. All I can control is how I react to it.

SACFEP

I love acronyms, but I like it best when they make a fun word. (In fact, I'll often start with the acronym and choose the identifiers to fit.) I was thinking of how many of my colleagues are dealing with the issues surrounding elderly parents. I wrote down "Stressed Adults Caring For Elderly Parents" but I dislike "SACFEP." I don't feel creative enough right now to come up with something that works better, but I didn't want to lose this concept. It can be like another full-time job to take care of finances, medical issues, personal lists, etc. I'm so grateful that my siblings and I are all willing to chip in and help so no one is shouldering an unfair burden.

Finance and Learning

I'm not very smart about money management, but I am capable of learning. I have been frustrated with Merrill Lynch as I try to "help" my dad with his investments. Now his accounts are being changed to Merrill Edge and I don't really understand why . . . he was already upset when we had to deal with Amy instead of Veronica last year after my mom died.

So I go online to read everything I can about Merrill Edge (only not on the Merrill site or the Bank of America site - of course they're going to blather about how wonderful it is). Although I still don't understand a lot of financial "stuff" - brokerage, managers, advisers, bonds, stocks, indexed funds, etc. - I do understand people's reviews and experiences. This site http://www.consumeraffairs.com/finance/merrill.html made me think it's time to get all his money away from ML and move it somewhere else! I realize that consumer affairs sites often draw the comments of people who are unhappy, but I'm not finding much balance in terms of satisfied customers.

But at the same time, what do I know about a better option? How much time and energy do I want to spend on this issue? If my dad is okay, why should I care what he does with his money? Sigh. Time to read and research some more.

Book to Own?

Sometimes when I want to get rid of a scrap of paper, but I don't necessary want to follow through on the info (but also want to "keep" the info, just in case), I go to my blog.

In God We Trust: Stories of Faith in American History by Timothy Crater and Ranelda Hunsicker

Not sure who recommended it to me, but it sounds really good. HC library doesn't have it (and my summer reading pile is already ginormous) and it's over $30 used on Better World Books . . . so I'm parking the info here. It was published in 1997, which makes it ancient in the publishing world. Sigh. I'm such a throw-back.

Retirement Candy Bar Poster

Dear [Sweetheart] ______(Retiree name),

Although all our [Airheads] and [Nerds] have caused you [Snickers] and [Laffy Taffy], every day you provide [Mounds] of [Almond Joy].

We want to give you [100 Grand] for your retirement, but it slipped through our [Butterfingers]. We don’t have an [Extra] [Payday] but we wish we could send you on a trip to New [York] or [Hershey], PA.

You always help us with our [Whatchamacallit] when we’re falling to [Reeses Pieces] or having a [Sour Patch]. You’ve listened to as [Whoppers] as we’ve asked to [Take Five]. Now take your [Hot Tamale]  _____(spouse name) and spoil your [Sugar Babies].

You’ve been a [Life Saver]! We'll be lost [Twix] you leaving us and breaking in someone new.

[Hugs] and [Kisses]
From your favorite [Musketeers]

Note:

This was to someone retiring from a school, but a lot of the sentiments work for any retiree. I don't have photos of the finished poster (yet) since someone else is actually putting it all together. 



I found a cool site while looking for an alternative to Kudos granola bars. At https://allwording.com/candy-bar-sayings-list/ there is a list of sayings to match the food. If I ever take the time, I would add to this list. It doesn't include a lot of the ones that I love using! Right now, I think I need to accept the fact that Kudos are no longer available and find a different clever way to say "good for you!" with an edible treat. 

The above was published on 5.26.15. I'm adding the below on 7.15.2017 (though technically, I quit my job; I've not yet retired.)

"Dear Mrs. LaMoore,
Now that [Payday] is a thing of the past, we thought we'd give you [100 Grand], but it slipped our [Butterfingers]. Maybe you could invent some kind of [Whatchamacallit] that will generate some [Extra] income. Or perhaps you could build a rocket to send into [Orbit] around the [Milky Way] that would maybe give you a claim to fame and fortune. By now you may be saying "Give me a break!" [KitKat}, that however you spend your retirement, we want to wish you [Mounds] of [Almond Joy] as you take it in [Stride], [Take 5], and [Crunch] on this card. Be careful not to get too [Chunky], but if you do, you won't hear any [Snickers] from us. Happy Retirement from your favorite [Nerds]. Love, Natalie and MacKenzie. We Will Miss You!!

I will post a photo of it (last day of school on June 7) later.

Best. Christmas. Ever.

Okay, 2014 wasn't necessarily the "best" Christmas I've ever had, but it was pretty wonderful. Morgan's gift to me was a card saying he had donated to Habitat for Humanity! I have had this on my "wish list" for years, but this is the first time someone actually did it. So awesome! And Stacie gave me a lovely bag which was made by Lungile Mngometulu. Check out http://timbalicrafts.org/ and find out about the amazing way your shopping can bless small (really, really small) business owners in Swaziland. This made me so very happy.

LaMoore Christmas 2014

I love our family time together! Here were some of this year's gems (that I caught):

"The pun density is off the charts!"
- Nick, referring to the Guillotine card game, which has a subtitle of "The revolutionary card game where you win by getting a head."

"Viv cooked. There's no salmonella and no smoke detector."
- Nick

"He's a useful thing to have around."
- Ally, referring to Nick (before Lindsay's brakes were actually fixed . . . )

"I want the brown one. No, not Nick's. The cute brown one."
- Stacie, choosing a LaMoore exchange gift from the pile

"It's hard because I have a coat on."
- Viv

"I have a coat AND a penis."
- Mike
They were using the weighted hula hoop out on the patio, and may have been imbibing a bit, too . . .

I'm sure there were many other funny moments that I didn't write down. And I went to bed before the dance-off, but Jeff G won (of course!). Merry Christmas, all.